This is the one of the first ritual that happens. The priest along with both the families determine

• Couple are not close relatives or 
  
• Share the same gotra (ancestral lineage)
• Doesn't belong to same bloodline
• Fixup dates for all the events

What is Gotra?
The term gotra means clan. It refers to people who are descendants in an unbroken male line from a common male ancestor. All members of a particular gotra are believed to possess certain common characteristics by way of nature or profession.

Same Gotra Marriages
Marriages within the gotra are not permitted under the rule of exogamy (social arrangement where marriage is allowed only outside of a social group) in the traditional matrimonial system. People within the gotra are regarded as kins. 

An acceptable social workaround for same gotra marriages is to perform a Dathu (adoption) of the bride to a family of different gotra (usually dathu is given to the bride's maternal uncle who obviously belongs to different gotra by the same rule) and let them perform the kanyadaan.

Difference between Kul and Gotra
A kula is a set of people following similar cultural rituals, often worshiping the same divinity (the Kula-Devata, god of the clan). Kula does not relate to lineage or caste like gotra. In fact, it is possible to change one's kula, based on one's faith.

The day before the marriage was the aai-budo-bhaat. The last meal of the unmarried girl in her home was celebrated with all relatives and friends, songs were sung and many jokes shared in giggling tones by the many aunts and boudis.

This is like a bachelorette party or rather, the bride’s last meal as a maiden in her parents’ home. The mother prepares a lavish spread of traditional  Bengali dishes for her daughter. The entire extended family is invited on this bonhomie-filled occasion. Held  the day before the wedding, Aai Budo Bhaat can also be hosted by close relatives, and symbolizes everybody’s approval.

Aai Buddo Bhaat refers to the last meal that the maiden partakes of in her own house before she is married off. A joyous occasion, it calls for a mini-feast where the bride's extended family and close friends join in the celebrations and wish her all the best. The Ai Buddo Bhaat feast consists of typically Bengali fare such as rice, fish, luchis (puri), vegetable preparations and sweets such as payash, rasgullas etc. This ritual takes place in the home of the groom also. Conversely, sometimes close friends and relatives invite the would-be groom/bride to their house for Al Buddo Bhaat where all their favorite dishes are prepared and they usually receive gifts.

One of the toughest task in any wedding is searching for an ideal Jamaai or Bodhu. In bengali tradition the marriage are arranged by a person known as Ghotoks. Historically in ancient days each caste had a person called ghotoks who would maintain a register of marriages and can ascertain genealogies. In modern day's the role of ghotoks are played are 

• Friends
• Relatives
• Professional agencies
• Matchmaking portal

With technologies life has become easier as parents can search for potential paatro/paatri on internet but in most occassion it still done through traditional means of contacts. One of the most ideal place for such meetings are marriage ceremonies, durga poojo or any social gatherings.

The Aashirwad (Blessings) ceremony is performed before the wedding. The paatro/paatri are to be blessed by the elders of the both the families. The paatro/paatri do not accompany the family on these occasions(in most cases). This is similar to an engagement.

Ceremony
The ceremony is arranged at both the sides i.e. paatro or paatri. The dates for the aashirwaad are decided using panjika or panchanga ( Panchangam means five attributes of Hindu calendar day that is Tithi, Vaar, Nakshatra, Yoga, and Karana). Typically the aashirwaad are organized couple of days before the marriage marks the beginning of the festivities. 

• A sandalwood tilak is offered to the paatro/paatri.
• He/She is offered gifts including a piece of gold jewelry along with some dhaan (rice husk signifying plenitude) and darba grass (symbolising that he will treat the bride with tenderness).
•  As in all Hindu weddings, mishti (sweets) are then offered.

When we launched our services last week one of the many questions that came through was what is the difference between paatropaatri and other bengali matrimonial portal. Like other bengali matrimonial portal we are in the business of matchmaking through our portal but our emphasis is on overcoming the gaps that exists in existing bengali matrimonial portal.

The biggest problem with existing bengali matrimonial portals is that a consumer only PAYS for CONTACT NUMBER. There is no other services that are being currently being offered by any of the matrimonial portal. There is no difference between a paid and non paid member apart from ability to extract contact numbers. 

There is no guarantee about the information that being published on the portal by the candidate.  A candidate can provide any information without anyone even bothering to question the integrity of the information. This is another problem which is now being considered as major concern by parents.

Another problem is that maximum profiles that are being uploaded by candidates are by themselves without the consent of their parents which really makes the online matrimonial portal same as dating portal. There are instances where candidates have been cheated based on false promises.

A recent articles in Economic Times cited the quantum of divorces that is being happening for couples getting married through matrimonial portal is getting bigger and bigger. 

Paatropaatri is an attempt to overcome the issues mentioned above. It is no way criticizing the concept of online matrimonial but an attempt to overcome the issues/problem that is being faced by parents across the country. 

Paatropaatri believes marriage is serious matter and if it is serious then parents should be involved. If anyone register himself/herself without the consent of their parents or getting them involved then their objectives are doubtful and they should not be part of such portal. We believe in this principle and thus and have completely said NO to any profile which doesn't includes the candidate's parents.

Paatropaatri believes foundation of arranged marriage is TRUST & HONESTY. It is often observed that while having discussion about marriage many times it becomes difficult to ask questions about paatro/paaatri education and income proofs for various reasons. Paatropaatri makes it mandatory for the registered profile to provide each and every educational certificate and their professional certificate. Apart from accepting these documents Paatropaatri get the documents verified from competent third party. These documents are shared with other party if both the party shows interest in each other. This will help both the party to ensure they have the information and information is authentic.